This Past Year & A New Beginning

This past year? I honestly don’t ever want to have another year in my lifetime like the year I just had. It was definitely my roughest I ever had in my life. It started off coo. I was at Musician’s Institute. Finished the Recording Artist Program and got my certificate. What did dat program do for me? More than I thought but at the same time I expected to learn more than I did. I guess cuz when by the time i started. I already taught myself so much. But that program gave me that experience I wanted. And it did sharpen my skills.

Then I interned at a couple spots. First A Records (don’t want to say their actual label name cuz I might work wit them in the future, LOL) , and then W Records. A Records …. hmmm… lol. I interned at the A&R department. A&R’s there… Coo as fuck. But did I see myself moving up there? Or possibly getting a job? I didn’t think so. They had me do a lot of bullshit work. Lots of Driving around. Fixing and building cabinets & furniture. And did they notice what I ever did? nope. They acted like i wasn’t there. They too busy in their own world to notice. I made a friend there. He interned at A Records for 2 years. Did they noticed how hard he worked? nope. When he told them he was quittin. They acted as if it didn’t really matter. Nuff said. W Records, now it was much better there. I worked in the Marketing Department. Boss was coo as fuck. Co-Workers were coo as fuck. But at that time I was there. I had a lot of money problems so I needed to actually work. And I ended up not having as much time to intern. N it wasn’t busy enough there. I wanted to work on beats the whole time I was there. So I ended up doing just dat. Workin on beats and worked at a part time job instead.

I was doin coo. Makin enough money to pay my bills. And had all the time in the world to work on music. I was straight. Then came the recession. Damn did it hit me hard. My boss at my part time tells me dat I gotta cut down my hours. Then it went from cutting my hours to, do you think you can keep your check under dis amount. From that to, Im sorry kid, I’m having a rough time with money. I’ll call you when I need you. Shit sucked. In the meantime, I was applying to jobs. To music places. u kno keep it within the industry I wanna be in. Then I noticed I wasn’t really gettin call back. To where I am now. Lookin for any job. Times is rough rite now.

But I’m stayin positive. Hired my boy Donnel to be my manager. He a smart and hard workin dude. I kno me and him can do nothin but good damage together. Workin on music to push out with the homie Pro sometime next year. Workin on my website.

New Foundation

I realized I built a good foundation within myself regarding the creative side. But since finishing school at Musician’s Institute dis past March. I’ve been tryin to figure out the best way to start the other half. Which is the foundation towards building my career. So that’s when I decided to start looking for a manager. To help me get my name out there to the world. Help me gain opportunities, exposure, and someone who could really deal with the business side of things while I concentrate on my craft.

For the past couple months I’ve been looking for a manager. And I didn’t realize that, that person was right in front of me the whole time. Almost my whole life. He’s in the Fashion Industry. He’s the founder and CEO of Museum Magazine. He has many designer and clothing line clients. I am his only Music client. What made me choose him if he’s in the Fashion Industry and I am in the Music Industry? I believe fashion and music go hand in hand. His network is great. He believes in me. And I believe in him. And he is one of my best friends. My boy Donnel.

On the music side, I got a lil project going with a rapper named “Pro”. We doing a whole project. Maybe doing 50 tracks and picking out the best 15. It’s gonna be crazy. Pro is like the rapper version of me. Could take you with one style and then flip it and be another whole style. Everyone is just gonna hav to wait and see.

So I’m drawing out the plan. The Blue print. The model. N I’m finally starting to build the foundation to somethin I believe is gonna be great.

Road To Happiness

There’s two roads in front of u. One is the easier route. The safer route. Not as much stress. Not as much struggle. The other route is the harder route. The don’t know what will happen route. Nothing is set in stone. But… your dream is there. Which route will you take? There can be regrets in both routes. But the road you take is what will define you as a person.

So who are you? Are you the the person to take dat road to the more comfortable lifestyle. Or are you that risk taker in pursuit of greatness? Yeah you could walk down the middle of both routes and keep looking both ways and weigh your options. But you will get to the point where you can’t see both roads anymore. It’s either one or the other. You can ask for help. You can ask for directions. But there’s only one ROAD TO YOUR HAPPINESS.

Lost In My World

I feel lost in this dream I’m in. The dream of doing something special, because I feel like I was put in this world to be someone special. But sometimes I have those doubts in myself and dat is wut gets me lost. I be feeling like I should be doing something else, that I’m not good enough. or this wasn’t meant for me to do. But once i start creating I get lost in this world I can’t describe. My real world vanishes and I end up in that dream. It’s just me and that beat. No one else is around even if there was someone around.  I get excited. Excited to be in that dream I’m in. That dream of me doing something special. And I’m that super producer I dream of being. But then…

I wake up from that everyday dream of mine. I start thinking about my real world and see how hard it is to live. The struggle of my goal to make that dream, my reality. I begin to think if I’m being selfish. Selfish with the fact that I live for that dream and goal of mine. When the people around me could use my help. When I can be doing better. Then I begin to be sad, because the people close to me hurt to see me struggle. All they want is to see me better myself. Then that beat I’m working on is no longer my world. I’m wide awake to see my real world. I get scared of it. So I run away…

I run back to that special place I disappear in. And my dream that I had comes back, and starts all over… So I get lost in my world again until I wake up to reality.

My Love and Passion for Music… Hurts Me

I feel myself breaking down. I feel like giving up. But I won’t. My body feels like an empty gas tank. And the only fuel I got… is my heart. My heart keeps telling me to go and keep going. What makes me question… is my heart right? Am I headed towards the right way. I don’t know. I really don’t. Am I talented enough? I feel like I am. Am I right? I don’t know. Do I work hard enough? I feel like I work harder than 90% of the people in this world. Am I right? Who knows. Only god can tell.

I haven’t had a official working job since December 2004. Do I need a regular job? Yeah I do. Do I want a regular job? No I don’t. I worked at a Wholesale Insurance Brokerage for 5 years and the whole time there. I felt like I was wasting my time. Is it time to say fuck it, let me get a regular job? Yeah it is. I tried. It’s just hard to find someone to hire somebody dat hasn’t officially worked since 2004. What am I doing right now for money? I’m working at a part time job for a home loan consultant. And we all know how that market is. FUCKED UP. So Im losing a lot of hours cause of that. 

Is music paying me the money that I need now? No it doesn’t. Why doesn’t it? I really don’t know. Why am I still doing music if I’m struggling so much? Because music is all I have going for me. What keeps me going? My LOVE and PASSION for music, and that is what is hurting me. It became my life. It’s my dream. But I gotta keep going. I gotta keep moving.